What Goes Up Must Come Down??

I heard that on the radio today, and of course I have heard it many times before.  I have decided that I just don't like it AT ALL.  I have this internal voice that is so incredibly stong inside of me that tells me that when anything good happens something bad is also about to happen.  I find myself not fully able to be present with the good becasue I am always waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop.  

My brain on bills

I was in a really amazing place about a month ago, and then my youngest was in the hospital with some crazy virus that affected his nervous system.  It was very scary, and while waiting in the ER the voice came.  "Here I am!!"  The voice of despair and hoplessness.  I just knew that my poor son was being punished because I had been experiencing so much happiness.  

You might be thinking that these thoughts are completely insane.  Well I KNOW they are insane, but my mind still does not stop from going there.  As I said last week, the underlying message I am telling myself is that I do not deserve to be happy.  

I know in my head that I DO deserve to be happy, but somewhere in there the evil voice is so loud and so present.  This voice has been draining me for the past month.  I have been feeling so alone, eventhough I am surrounded by loving friends and family.  

Then God put this quote from Eat, Pray, Love in front of me today, "What do I believe I deserve in this life?" BAM, right between the eyes.  I am learning that believing and thinking are totally different thinks.  I think I deserve a great deal of things, but I don't truly believe it.  

I have decided to make my Photo Essay Project about that quote.  What do I deserve?  Not sure how this will pan out.  I would love input on the topic if you have any.  

The Starting Lineup

"You were given life; it is your duty to find something beautiful within life no matter how slight."                                                - Elizabeth Gilbert    Eat, Pray, Love

 

I plan to do this with my iPhone . .find the beauty within life, and work on believing that I deserve to experience it.  

My Captain America

 

All of the photos in this post are from The Photo Essay Project.  My page is over here if you'd like to follow me.  Please do!!